Review

(Please be advised that this is an adult romance.)

Draco Malfoy, now in his early thirties, is highly accomplished in alchemy, duelling and legilimency, and now works as an Auror for the Ministry of Magic. He’s very good at his job; as a former child Dark wizard wannabe, he understands magical criminals. He also has a certain… er… ethical flexibility, and a cheerful enthusiasm for fighting dirty that makes him highly effective. Yes, all is well in Malfoy’s world until his boss gives him a protection assignment. His protectee? Hermione Granger.

Hermione, the brightest witch of her generation, is now Healer Granger, a doctor, as well as a brilliant and renowned medical researcher. She’s working on a top secret project that would change the lives of many, but also raise violent opposition in a radical few – hence her need for protection.

Malfoy and Granger are both chagrined at being paired with their childhood enemy and try to switch assignment (Draco) or call off this ridiculous waste of resources (Hermione), but to no avail. Over time and a number of adventures, they begin to develop a grudging respect for each other’s abilities. To Malfoy’s disgust, he even begins to see Hermione as… attractive. In certain lights. If she weren’t, well, Granger.

Then the danger, for a long time distant and theoretical, becomes immediate. Hermione and Draco will need all their combined strengths and talents to battle a vicious enemy, who will stop at nothing to prevent Hermione’s research from succeeding.

*

I gobbled up this 36 chapter Harry Potter fanfic, told from the third person subjective perspective of Draco. I can’t remember where I saw it recommended. I don’t read a lot of fanfic… this is probably the second one I’ve ever read, but I’m so glad I did. Admittedly, it is sometimes a little rough around the edges – to be expected without professional editing – but it’s generally well written, erudite, romantic and funny. The author (isthisselfcare, also known as Brigitte Knightley) cites her influences as “Jerome K. Jerome, P. G. Wodehouse, Saki, Dickens, Thackeray, and, of course, the inimitable Jane Austen”, so our tastes are very closely aligned. (Except for Saki. This is the first I’ve heard of him.) Knightley now has a deal for her new book (hurrah!), so you’d better believe I’ll be lining up for that in July ’25.

Mortifying Ordeal is (sorry to state the obvious) a shining example of what’s called ‘Dramione’, a portmanteau of Draco and Hermione, and a very popular HP fanfic ship. It’s also an adult romance, albeit a slow burn, so I wouldn’t go recommending it to students.

Before I end, I’d like to present a bouquet to the author for the title. It’s pitch perfect. I love a good title almost as much as I love a good cover. Kudos.

(P.S. Prefer to listen? Find a podfic version here. You have to hand it to the fanfic community. It’s organised.)

> Click here for content warnings – spoilers, enter at own risk!

Violent battles and duels described in some gory detail (mind you, I’m a wimp, and I was fine with it); medical scenes; memories of war and torture (again, fine for this wimp); sexual references; occasional sexual crudity; plenty of f-words and other swears; threats of sexual violence; adult-appropriate consensual sex scenes in later chapters.

Edited to add some favourite sample quotes…

It has humour:

“I’m only asking you this because I know you are morally corrupt and have no ethical standards,” began Granger. “I would ask no other Auror what I am about to ask you.”

“Strong preface,” said Draco. “I am flattered. Continue.”

It has good description:

The way up was, as promised by Granger, a bit of a slog. It was early enough that the heat of the day didn’t utterly flatten them. As they progressed upwards, they were protected from the worst of the sun by a cathedral of trees that filtered the light into cool greens. White hyacinths dotted the undergrowth. It smelled of earth and mushrooms.

And it has library stuff (blessed be Hermione, patron saint of girly swots everywhere):

It was gratifying to be with her as she explored the library, which took up an entire wing of the Manor. It was part enormous reading room, part traditional stacks, part personal museum. Tall windows gave out onto the forest and the lake along the estate’s western edge. A fire crackled. Reading desks and oversized armchairs were placed in thoughtful arrangements here and there, lit by magical lanterns.

Granger’s gasps continued to be an enormous source of pleasure. She requested a tour. Draco provided. They wandered through the stacks and display cases. Granger queried Draco upon the classification system, on the Malfoys’ acquisition philosophy, on their weeding plan.

There was a soft light in her eyes.

*

isthisselfcare. (2021-2022). Draco Malfoy and the mortifying ordeal of being in love [Fanfiction]. Archive of Our Own. https://archiveofourown.org/works/34500952?view_full_work=true

> Click here for image details

• Cover image by catherine7mk.
• Images are used on this blog post under the “Fair dealing for criticism or review” provision of the Commonwealth Copyright Act, 1968.
• Screenshot of fanfic on my phone.
• Mobile phone border and background from Canva.

.