Review

Yes, our story is about the little mermaid. But it’s also about treasure. And true love. And pirates.

Mary was a little mermaid. The little mermaid. She gave up her mermaid life for the love of a man. But her “prince” (Charles — not really a prince, just a spoiled rich boy) doesn’t want her, and marries someone else. Instead of turning into sea foam, she swallows the humiliation and accidentally ends up, disguised as a bloke, on a pirate ship, where she goes from cabin boy to quartermaster in under a year. The pirate’s life for her, yo ho! Her best friend Tobias, son of Captain Blackbeard, the pirate king, is the only one on the ship who knows that she’s a woman, and that’s fine. But she really must stop looking at Tobias’s… um… assets. Nothing can happen there. It’s too risky. And anyway, she’s still not over Charles.

But then they find out that Captain Blackbeard is dead, and the Admirable Association of Retired Pirates (AARP) wants to hold a competition to find a new pirate king. Which she might have to enter. And she runs into her mer-cousin Jack, who is smitten with Bonn, a fierce and beautiful wannabe lady pirate. And Mary’s father, the sea king, wants her back Underwhere.

It’s fair to say that things are getting complicated.

*

If you have a silly sense of humour (like me), you’ll enjoy this Little Mermaid / Mary Read & Ann Bonny (famous actual lady pirates) mash up. It’s full of funny anachronisms, lots of literary & pop culture intertextuality, an intrusive narrator and so-bad-they’re-good jokes & puns. For example:

The room grew quiet. There was a loud sudden tinking noise. Everyone swiveled to look.

“Sorry, sorry, everyone,” said a pirate. “I dropped me pin.”

So you remember the necklace we found that one time?” Mary asked out of the blue.

“Necklace?” Jack thought back. “Oh, the pretty, sparkly one with the big blue heart-shaped jewel? The one some idiot just tossed overboard from a ship?”

“You swim back to Underwhere every week and talk to her?”

“No, silly.” He pulled on the leather cord around his neck until the clamshell pendant he always wore came free of his shirt. “I talk to her on my shell phone.”

So… it’s basically like that: a relentless barrage of silly jokes. Works for me, but your mileage may vary. Other highlights include swashbuckling, treasure-seeking adventure, with a contemporary preference for equality, and a touch of romance. It’s told in the various third person subjective perspectives of Mary, Tobias and Jack.

Suitable for 12+.

P.S. If you like this book, maybe try Hand, Ashton & Meadows (the Lady Janies)’ other novels, including My Lady Jane (which has fewer jokes and a touch more romance — but still lots of historical fantasy fun).

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YA depictions of: sexism; rejection and heartbreak; dead fathers; mild pangs of grief; estrangement from fathers; not knowing one’s father; cartoonish pirate violence; a near-hanging and other situations of extreme peril, but always treated quite lightheartedly, and characters are rescued with no harm done; one incident of PG romantic kissing, with characters later waking up in same bed — no mention of what happened in between, could be anything, could be nothing; pirates drinking rum & grog; the occasional mild double entendre.

*

Hand, C., Ashton, B., & Meadows, J. (2024). My salty Mary. HarperTeen.

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