Review
Edward Heffernan, aka ‘Heffalump’, is at the bottom of Melbourne’s most expensive boys’ private school (Highview Grammar)’s pecking order. Well, nearly. His only friend, if you could call him that, Nolan Li, is at the very bottom. And James Crombie – good looking; smart, but not too smart; sporty, but not too sporty – is at the top. Naturally, Crombie has nothing to do with Heffalump or Nolan… until the day Nolan accidentally breaks Crombie’s nose during a house softball game.
Incensed at the school’s refusal to compensate him, Crombie recruits Edward and Nolan to his revolutionary student group, Common Sense, campaigning for an end to the house system and everything that goes with it – house competitions, the trophy, captains – the whole lot. They put up anonymous posters and send emails from random student accounts, and get a lot of media interest.
But what are the boys’ actions really about? Are their motives as pure as they think? And what about unintended consequences?
*
At first, I found this book hilariously, laugh out loud funny. Then it started to occur to me that it actually had some serious ideas about ethics, politics, humane treatment and masculinity. Private boys’ schools do not come off well in this narrative: there’s a lot of bullying, homophobic jokes and general jockeying for position. The monoculture is amusingly illustrated by a running gag about multitudes of students called Lachlan. I really felt for our narrator, large, awkward, hapless Edward, and his sort-of friend, the divinely ethical, gentle and naive Nolan. They felt very familiar.
Woodard has a great way with words, especially with comic imagery, like:
We had nowhere to hide if they found us. The long, open room was laid out like a church, with rows of scuff-marked benches around a central aisle. Gum-spattered locker bays ran along the walls. Fluorescent lights clung to the roof in metal cages, clogged with spiderwebs, dust bunnies and old hair. They bathed the room in blue light, like a serial killer’s freezer.
and
His arms dangled at his sides like two-minute noodles.
and
He turned his doe-brown eyes on me. How could I stay mad at something so helpless? It was like shouting at a dandelion.
For anyone who’s spent any time in a school, especially a boys’ school, which has houses and House Cups and whatnot, Nolan’s list of suggested changes to Wilmer (his house) is hilarious:
- Rather than being conscripted, students choose to join Wilmer.
- Wilmer encourages co-operation with the other houses, rather than unnecessary competition.
- Wilmer believes in something more meaningful that winning a wholly ceremonial house cup. I suggest charity work, but I’ll leave that decision in your capable hands.
I enjoyed this book. It’s funny and there’s a lot about values to chew over here. It would be especially good for a boys’ school library, but I think girls can enjoy it too. It would make a really good Year 9 English text at a boys’ school… if only that would happen!
357 pp. Recommended for 13+.
(And if you’re interested in a girls’ school take on a similar topic, try Erin Gough’s brilliant, sweet & hilarious Amelia Westlake.)
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Bullying; homophobia; schoolboy violence; various teen boy body references, e.g. pimples, erections, muscles, fat; body image – Edward is very self-conscious about his large body; breaking of multiple school rules; deception via partial truths, called ‘ruths’; questions about friendship, popularity and betrayal; longing for acceptance; keeping truth from parents; Crombie’s parents are divorcing and he’s moving; occasional schoolboy swearing.
*
Woodard, S. (2026). Poster boys. Lothian Children’s Books.
Images and quotes are used on this blog post under the “Fair dealing for criticism or review” provision of the Commonwealth Copyright Act, 1968.
I read this novel via my school library — support your library!
